alltherewas

After the night of a thousand whispers, each whisper uglier than the next would be, until finally it was dull, dull, dull. In my quiet, as silence implies, I was taken back to something that actually mattered.

So just pick one and squeeze further back like so....no, you're still holding it wrong. You have to pinch further back if you want it to talk. When you have it right the mouth will open and close revealing a secret world inside of it. You can say what ever you want with a snapdragon. You can tell any story.

-Excuse me sir, where are we again?
THIS IS SPARTA!
-Okay, where is that exactly?
THIS IS WHERE WE DIE! THIS IS SPARTA!
-Um, Perhaps you could point me in the direction of the *spartan* suggestion box?
NO, THIS IS SPARTA, WE WILL DIE IN HELL!
-Okay....you have established that but...
SPARTA! SPARTA! SPARTA!
-Is your name Sparta or is this Sparta? Now I am confused.
OUR ARROWS WILL BLOT OUT THE SUN!
-All righty then, thank you for your time. Lovely to meet you. Have a nice day.
BE AFRAID! SPARTA WILL BURN TO THE GROUND!


Watch it again, a second trailer! This one is for the ladies. Marketing is groovy!




SO GOOD! I have not been this excited to go to the movies EVER!

The big words (Love, Truth, Being, Hope and so on) by definition cause many misunderstandings between people and dare I say, the Sacred. I define the Sacred as "meaning in use." What I am calling "problem by definition" is simple. Two people use a word and have two totally different ideas of what it means. Somewhere there is a disconnect and each proceeds on assumptions which may not be aligned with the other causing misunderstanding, pain, angst and host of other "beautiful" things. People are always also moving towards Being; not constant. Their perceptions are made because their definitions and ability to communicate and act are in flux. Thinking evolves as they gather and process experience. An infinite number of definitions are contained in a single moment, in the creative and in all human exchange.

Many great works of literature, philosophy, mythology, theology, poetry, music and art have I been able to see commonality in the definitions of the big words. It is WHERE the finger is pointing not the finger (Vanity and idol worship) that one should look at. This comforted me as it seemed there was indeed a definition and my action in understanding, that is *relating*, are teaching me what these words really mean one painfully beautiful and at times pretty messy step at a time.

Considering the infinite number of variables in a single moment it is kind of a miracle to Love, Be or Hope. Hey, When did I turn into a Pythagorean? That was joke for me I think. I think this is why many, myself often include, feel so disconnected, give up, feel like a victim and the million other ways people trap themselves in circles to do the same thing and expect a different result.

It is really difficult to hold your very own flawed heart in your hand and take a close look. It is hard to expose yourself. Defining starts by attacking the outside. Deconstruction, saying what you do not want (Children often say no before they say yes for example) and all the various numbers of ways we choose.

When you go inside and do not blame external circumstances or decide not to look at the pointing finger any longer you are now digging in the right place.

Random poetics:

I have never been betrayed but I have betrayed.
I have always been loved but never loved.
I have always been hoped for but never hoped.
I have never been and yet I am.
I have never spoken, or been seen by the truth.

....But hey that is just another one of those "what I think, that I think, I know" rants. Check back with me as I am influx.

Once gods walked…

Once gods walked among humans,
The splendid Muses and youthful Apollo
Inspired and healed us, just like you.
And you are to me as if one of the Holy Ones
Had sent me forth into life, and the image
Of my beloved goes with me,
And wherever I stay and whatever I learn,
I learned and gained it from her,
With a love that lasts until death.

Then let us live, you with whom I suffer
And inwardly strive towards better times
In faith and loyalty. For we are the ones.
And if people should remember us both
In years to come, when Spirit again prevails,
They'd say that these lonely ones lovingly
Created a secret world, known to the gods alone.
The earth will take back those concerned
With impermanent things: others climb higher
To ethereal Light who've been faithful
To the love inside themselves, and to the spirit
Of the gods. Thus they master Fate
In patience, hope and quietness.

Poems of Friedrich Hölderlin

All matter in the universe, as we come to understand it, was forged at the heart of a star. Now, I am all together again after so many millions of years...twinkle, twinkle.

A moment from a weird dream last night: "Turn the water off, this new ocean is perfect!" he screamed from his unfinished forest.

I also read about "less heralded" little sea life shifting northward due to rising temperatures. Who heralds them less? This is what I want to know! I salute you barnacles, black-footed limpets, and wandering dabberlock seaweed! I think you are a *very* important sign of things to come!

I ended up in a conversation about Keirkegaard and seduction until my favorite hour. It was insightful and stripped my (idea of) love of its poetry which amused me for a moment. I was amazed by the mind of the person to whom I spoke. So brilliant and calculating yet willing to be candid in a way he claims he would normally not be! So funny! I really must make a point of not befriending writers of short fiction. I have enough of those.

I have a crush due to a strange moment involving extinction. I blushed and well that is terribly telling. He knew and smiled. I looked away but it was too late.

Windmills!

before bed I always dream the same dream....

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!

How are you feeling today?
Smoke and wine
Will you get far in life?
To live through someone
How do your friends see you?
Simon is stronger than us
Will you get married?
Dick in Dixie
What is your best friend's theme song?
Pretty little cinderella
What is the story of your life?
Russians
What was high school like?
waterman
How can you get ahead in life?
Track 8
What is the best thing about your friends?
wishbone
What is today going to be like?
21--swans
What is in store this weekend?
You can't kill me
What song describes you?
New York- U.S.A
What song describes your grandparents?
New toy
How is your life going now?
New house of the pope
What song would they play at your funeral?
Track 8
How does the world see you?
evening sun
Will you have a happy life?
Beer, drugs, flat and scrugs
What do your friends really think of you?
Darling
Do people secretly lust after you?
(You're) safe in your sleep(F
How can I make myself happy?
Happy Endings
What should I do with my life?
Apokalypstik
Will you ever have children?
Gimme shelter

Every hour on the hour last night after 3 AM until I finally got up at eight this morning. Somethings are just not for explaining and that is one.

I should have been exhausted but strangely I was not and walked to work which is one part of the day when I think somewhat clearly. It is a single conversation not ten at once.

I love winter and the hint that it is coming. My feet were cold. Living where the snow falls has softened my heart because it is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. It is so quiet and it brings me such a sense of what is peaceful. I could never make a home where the snow won't go or where it never melts and if I did ever decide to do such a thing I would be right about that too. I hear chimey guitar when I think of a sound for it and distortion when I don't.

I need to take my air conditioner out of my loud window. I will do that before my lovely friend house sits next weekend as she may not like winter and cold as much as I do beings that she came from the warmer West. A quiet, warm apartment and an unexplored neighborhood will be fun and I appreciate the favor of caring for my muppet. He is not quite a mop, not quite a puppet.

I am traveling to almost-exactly the geographical center of the United States. There are tons of strange birds around. I often fall into deep sleep when I arrive. I once slept for twenty four hours straight which at the time seemed a selfish waste and was very disorienting. Time stands still at first then just feels completely off and uncomfortable. Perhaps it is the short break or I just like that my mom can sleep peacefully when I am in her home and she isn't worrying that every disaster just happened to me. Maybe we both relax after so many strange ways.

A year?